The NoFun Spin Zone

Why so sad, Harry Potter? Is it because you just found out you are the last Horcrux? Or maybe because you just took the WORST SPIN CLASS ON EARTH?!???!!!

I joined a new gym last night, so this morning I went over for the first time and took a spin class. I used to go to this really awesome fancy gym, but lately I’ve had to face facts and accept that maybe my money could be better spent somewhere else, like at the supermarket or Forever 21.

It was the absolute worst. Everything about it is the tiniest bit of a downgrade, and all those downgrades add up to one giant craptacular.

As with most gyms, there are towels for spin class. At my old gym they were already on the bikes when you got there, but at the new one you actually had to pick it up yourself off of a shelf. This was really annoying for me to do myself, since Intern Brian has left to go “start” his “fall semester” at “school." As for the towel itself, it was the roughest of towels. It felt like rubbing my face with shark teeth.

You know how they say “it’s like riding a bike,” because you can never forget how to ride a bike? That doesn’t apply to my spin teacher, who either has amnesia or has never been on a bicycle. I know that I could have just made the resistance extra hard to make up for the fact that our teacher wasn’t really pushing us, but that is not really the focus of this post. I also could have ridden a real bike outside or not have eaten all those cookies last night while lying in my bed and weeping softly, but life is too short for all of these hypothetical situations.

Then I went to shower, and I discovered another idiotic thing about their shark towels—they are awkwardly small. And that’s all I’m going to say about that.

At my old gym, there was so much I took for granted. The china had never been used. The sheets had never been slept on. Wait, sorry, that’s Titanic. But on the real, at my old gym the locker rooms had everything from razors to q-tips (note: do NOT mix those up.) The new gym has only two hair driers, and I’m pretty sure the same stuff comes out of the shampoo and mouth wash dispensers.

My roommates were not that sympathetic. “I am not that sympathetic,” Lindsey said. “Also,” Jodie added, “Stop being a baby.” Those are all fair statements. And really, the point is to train hard—you can do that anywhere, which I know from movies about prison. And in prison, they don’t even have towels, so I think we can all learn something from them (mainly that if you get arrested, try to bring your own towel.)